It's spring, but mid-terms are coming

It's spring!
Today morning before I came to school, I checked the weather on internet and I realized it's 20 degrees today.
So I decided to wear short-sleeved t-shirt, but decided to wear something on top just in case it might be cold at night.
I spent the shiny morning in the library at the 2nd floor at Chung-Ang Artcenter, but I could not concentrate on study since I hadn't been in a library since last September.
I thought I am a hard-working student, actually I thought my self as a little genius as my mom often called me.
But I realized that there are so many good students around me, so many hard-working students and so many geniuses. I realized yesterday that all of my classmates were good students in highschool and that many of them had been accepted to this university with scholarship.
I was shocked at the news because I thought I was smart.
And I realized how I have been playing this last few precious months since I've been accepted to college.
I want to be a English teacher, I want to be good, I want people to know me because of how good I am. I want my parents to be proud of me, I want to show the people how I have grown.
I know college is different from the life I've been in the past. Before, the teachers have given me all the information I needed to know and they checked whether I've been doing work. However, right now I have to make all the decisions and make plan for my life.
I do not know what my life would be in the future. I want someone to show me my future, I want to know what I would be in 10 years from now.
I am afraid to make all the decisions by myself.
I want to go play today after school, but I am going back to the library at Chung-Ang Artcenter to study. I am not sure if I can study until 10 p.m. as I promised myself. But I am going to stay at school until night because that way I feel safe and comforted, even though actually I am not ready for the mid-term exams.
I feel like my friends are going to criticize me if I do not get a good grade this semester, because I am not going playing with them. I think I will be dissapointed at myself also.
I also want to enjoy myself as a freshman at college but I think I will go back to the library today.